How to Get Laid on Your Wedding Night, by Eric Stein

Most grooms believe it’s guaranteed to score on the wedding night.  Truth is, many guys blow it by making a few stupid mistakes. These can be the difference between no sex at all, a pity lay “because it’s our wedding night and we’re supposed to”, and the tear your clothes off horizontal mombo we all deserve after the nuptials.

How do I know all this you ask?

Well, I’m already married, so this comes from experience.  But I’ve also been in the wedding industry for years (my wife is a wedding planner), so I’ve seen and heard all the common dumb-dumb mistakes grooms make.

Now let’s get you ready for the big show.  Avoid these top 5 mistakes to ensure your game of hide the salami goes off without a hitch.

  1. “Just tell me when to show up.”

    Just showing up for the biggest party of the year with no effort sounds nice, but it’s not realistic, and won’t get you laid.  This is YOUR party too. Get involved, ask questions, don’t be a pushover, and make sure the day is fun for you and the boys too.  Your lady will love this and welcome your hot beef injection at the end of the night.

    **Pro-tip**  If you disagree with something she’s trying to plan, make note, and circle around LATER.  Don’t be the dream killer right away if you think something should change or it’s not in the budget.  Have a solution/replacement idea ready.

  2. “Oh S#!7 I forgot my…”

    It takes a little forethought, but have a checklist of everything you want/need on the wedding day.  Watch, tie, rings, special socks, lucky pendant, cologne, deodorant, etc etc. If you need advice, ask your planner, friends or the almighty Google.

  3. Know the Timeline

    Guys are usually oblivious to time on the wedding day.  I know I was. In retrospect this was a huge mistake. Missed photos, wasted time, and higher stress levels are the result.  You don’t need to know the minute by minute, but have a general idea. Set reminders on your phone or ask the boys to help you.  If you step in and save the day because you knew time was running low, you’ll be the biggest stud, and your fiance will give you those sexy eyes you love so much.

  4. Oops I got drunk too soon

    Bye-bye sexy eyes...hello daggers.  Catching a little buzz to calm the nerves is one thing.  Taking shots and getting sloppy is another. Yes, the wedding day is supposed to be fun, and it will be, but you’re also the host, and eyes are on you.  Judgy eyes.  There are few days in a man’s life when he get the opportunity to show what he’s made of, and the wedding day is one.  Getting hammered and blowing your vows/speech is a MASSIVE mistake and usually eliminates chances of occupying Vagistan that night.

  5. You forget it’s all about her

    Ok, you got involved, made sure the party will be fun, the budget is good, the bridesmaids and groomsmen are happy, family is happy, you’re not hammered.  All great. But today is really about your bride. She’ll remember this day forever. FOR-EV-ER.

Write a few love letters for her to read during the day.  A one-pager while she’s getting ready, a shorter one for after photos, and a suuuuper brief one for right before walking down the aisle.  Make sure your planner knows everything.

Get her a gift to open with the first letter in front of her bridesmaids.  This will impress the F out of her friends, which she’ll love.

If giving a speech always END with the focus on her.  It’s all about her. How lucky you are to have found her.  Thank her parents for bringing her into this world, her bridesmaids for supporting her, etc.  

**Pro-tip** If you’re up for it, do something thoughtful in front of everyone...a grand surprise  Sing a song, play the piano, give a gift, read a poem you wrote. Whatever it is, make sure everyone sees it.

You’ll be a stud, and she'll NEVER forget it

Do you want to be an ultra groom stud?  Cool. I got your back. My wife planned weddings for 12 years so I’ve seen and heard everything.  Toss in your email and I’ll send you a download with everything you need to look like Rico Suave on your wedding day

Love letter templates, editable checklists, speech examples, surprise ideas, and a bunch more.